Yesterday was emotionally draining on so many fronts. My day started with a phone call from my mother letting me know that "The Poodle Club" was engulfed by flames, and that Lake Street had been closed down for blocks. Here is a link to the story:
http://www.startribune.com/local/89764002.html?elr=KArksLckD8EQDUoaEyqyP4O:DW3ckUiD3aPc:_Yyc:aU1yDEmP:QMDCinchO7DU
courtesy of today's issue of the Star Tribune (although to be honest, I haven't yet read todays version of events--I am sure they will re-cover most of what was said yesterday). The Poodle Club was a bar/restaurant that my former mother-in-law frequented on an almost daily basis, and in my former life we spent many memorable hours there, both as a family (for meals), as a couple (someplace close to home where we could have a "date"), and as a gathering place. Carl and Lucille were the owners at the time; Carl would work the room, surveying his domain, ever the affable host, while Lucille held court at her table, greeting all who came to pay her homage and inviting those she wanted to visit with to join her. Carl was a big man, in all senses of the word, with a casino floor boss attitude (think 1940's movies, ala Jimmy Cagney and Betty Davis), while Lucille was regal--her long dark hair always in an updo, diamond rings dripping from perfectly manicured fingernails, and chanel classic dresses. She and Carl bought Jim and I wedding gifts, baby gifts, and were very kind to us. When their health got bad, Carl's son took over the club, and Carl and Lucille have now been gone for many years.
The bar became McMahon's Irish Pub a few years ago, and shortly after I moved down here, Liisa, Jesse, Tony, and their whole group of friends started frequenting it every Tuesday night for karaoke. Rachael the DJ and Ryan the bartender became close personal friends of my kids, and they exchanged phone numbers and got together both when everyone was working at the pub and during off times too. When I heard that it was burning, I first looked it up online (at WCCO.com) and then called Liisa. Her first words to me were "Shut the fuck up! I think I'm gonna throw up! Oh Mama, I wonder if Ryan is ok--he lives upstairs. I have to call him!" She called but couldn't reach him, contacting their circle of friends online via facebook and also on cell phones. Ryan's girlfriend Champagne was not home when the fire broke out, but her boyfriend, her brother, and her three nieces and nephews all lost their lives. The babies were three year old twins, a boy and a girl, and a two year old boy. Such a tragedy. Champagne's mom also lost her life. She was pulled out of the building and CPR was done on her in the street, but she didn't survive either. Poor Champagne lost 6 people who were important to her in one fell swoop. I cannot even imagine how heartbreaking that must be!
Liisa left work at noon to go be with her friends, and she kept me updated. For the longest time hope was being held out that the 5 were just missing but had gotten out and were just without cell phones. But that changed as the day wore on. Liisa called me around 3 to say that Ryan's mom was on her way into the city with medical records to help identify his remains, and that 4 of the five remains had been located. By late afternoon/early evening the last set of remains had been found. It is the most deadly fire Minneapolis has seen in many years. While I didn't personally know Ryan (he was 25), I knew of him because Liisa spoke of him many times and talked about what a flirt he was, how good natured, how fun a person he was. My heart goes out to his family and to Champagne and her family. Her two other brothers were at the fire asking questions and letting officials know that their family members were supposed to be in there. My heart is so heavy for all of them.
In the midst of all of that, was another drama/tragedy, and I don't use that word lightly or even facetiously. Eric called his ex to clarify what the situation was going to be for today, (given Aurora, last Saturday, had said in no uncertain terms that she would not go to IN this weekend), and he was informed she would be here at 9 am for her visit. She would not accept that Aurora does not want to go, and that Eric is not going to force her. We talked to a number of people for understanding as to what Aurora's rights are in this situation, and so many scenarios circled through our brains, individually and collectively. Eric and I went out to eat just to get away from the kids all being home, so we could talk and plan, and we settled on going to the police station here in Mascoutah to just see what the possibilities were. We were counseled to send emails to her stating Aurora's intention not to go (with Aurora writing it); Eric then wrote one too explaining how we have tried to negotiate and compromise with her, but she has refused; how she has ignored Aurora's wishes on a number of occasions by calling the school and excusing Aurora from activities she worked hard to earn her place to attend, and that this time, we were supporting Aurora's right to say no. Eric informed her that if she insisted on coming down, she should just present herself at the police station, and they would take it from there, contacting us and following up (Eric *may* get a ticket out of this, which would mandate a court appearance, which isn't all bad).
Aurora and Brianne were both very upset by all of this, and Brie took Aurora out to see a movie, just to give her something else to think about. Aurora, because of the wind, and because of the stress, was bumming over not doing as well at the track meet as she had hoped to, and was very upset and angry about the situation with her mom. While she was gone, Eric got a text asking if his ex got a hotel room, could she have her visitation. Eric decided to talk it over with Aurora, and this of necessity had to wait until the movie was out. Aurora was consulted, and she said no, she didn't want to visit this weekend. Eric passed on the message, suggesting it could happen another weekend. His ex called Aurora at almost midnight and demanded a specific date be set or she was coming anyway, and Aurora was all worked up and upset. She was not being heard. She didn't refuse to set another date, but wanted an opportunity to look over her schedule and see what would work best. This wasn't accepted. Then Eric was called and told he needed to make a decision as to what weekend would suffice. Eric wouldn't do it without talking to Aurora, because that is the basis for this entire mutiny--her wishes and needs aren't even being heard! So Eric said no to setting a date, and pointed out we had all gone to bed; he was informed she would be here 9 am and Eric told her to go directly to the police station. It's seven minutes to nine now... My stomach is in knots, Eric is stressed, and we have no idea what is going to happen.
If the hotel visit had been accepted when first offered by us, it would have been perfect, and everyone would have had their needs met. To try and do it now, when everyone is upset and stressed is a disaster in the making. The ex is upset that she isn't getting her way (as well she should be--anyone would be!), Aurora is upset because she is being pressured into doing a compromise she doesn't want to do by her mother, and I don't think putting them together would solve anything but making everyone miserable. (Please understand, I am voicing my own concerns, and not speaking for the family as a whole). So I sit here watching the clock and waiting for either the doorbell to ring or the phone to ring telling us act 3 is about to begin. I feel so badly for the ex. She is their mom and she should spend time with them. I am sure she is hurting dreadfully, and I hurt for her. I would die if my kids treated me the way they are reacting to her. But all I can look back on is the differences in the relationships: what I have with my kids, what Eric has with his, is far different than what she has with hers. Those seeds were sown long ago, and the resultant behaviors and attitudes grew out of those beginnings. Perhaps time will mellow them and heal the difference, but demands for rights and entitlement will not change what the past set up for the present. I am so grateful for what I have will all of these kids--mine and Eric's. We are blessed with the relationships we have with all of them, and hopefully we are a blessing to them as well.
The police just called and spoke to Aurora. She informed them that she does NOT want to visit with her mother this weekend, and that she wants to stay home. I will edit updates as they occur.
ETA: It's now 1:59 in the afternoon. I have to head to work in about a half hour. Just wanted to add that the morning ended up being anti-climactic, which is a good thing. The police officer on duty told Eric that they would be writing up a report and he *may* be cited with a ticket, however none was issued directly today. He added that "the ex said she would be contacting her attorney, so perhaps you should contact yours as well" to which we replied that all email correspondence has been cc'd to the lawyer. She did not come by the house, nor has she contacted anyone here directly. An ugly scene has been avoided and for that we are grateful.
On a separate note, Brie felt the baby move for real last night when she and Aurora were at the movie, and she was positive she felt it/that that is what it was. Prior to this she questioned if she was or not, but now it is real. So happy for that! Little Skye Noel is actively making her presence known to her Momma!
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