Today is baby Skye's due-date. We are now on the T-minus count down towards induction if she doesn't come on her own. So far we have had little sign that birth is imminent. Brie and I went to the pool yesterday afternoon for about an hour and a half, and she started having some stronger b-h contractions, but of course, they calmed once we were out of the water. Brie and I are basically joined at the hip these days, because of all the unknowns, and how I remember those days well. I hated that uncertainty then, and I hate it now! That's what made Rei's delivery the best of all of them--I knew when he would be here, and he was! Not that I wish a c-section on anyone, but after being through all the works/steps with the first two and ending up with c's, it was just common sense to drop all the in-between steps for Rei.
Today is also the funeral service for my dear friend's mother. My heart, thoughts, and prayers have been floating over Rhode Island for much of the morning. I hope that when my turn comes to experience what she is dealing with I handle it with the same courage, love, grace, and dignity she has. Fortunately for me, my relationship with my siblings and their families is totally different from hers, which may make things a little less stressful, however, she showed me the way with her dad before my dad died, and now she has lost her mom. It makes one think about how permanent some changes can be.
Change is another thing that has been on my mind. How much life is going to change around here with the birth of the baby, even if it is a grandbaby vs. a baby... My leaving my job has been a positive change so far for all of us, but as I look toward other changes, I see looming in front of me various possible outcomes. Liisa and I were talking about her broken hopes, plans, and dreams related to her planned wedding date (of this past Wednesday), and how as much as she knows this is was the best decision for herself, there is still pain, loss, and grieving related to it. Life is like that with choices: sometimes opening one door requires the closing of another, and it hurts. Brie is seeing that too. She loves and wants to keep Skye, but it means giving up her dream of active duty in the army (until marriage at the earliest, or giving up custody of her baby). She understands the ramifications of these choices to some degree, but the loss of hopes and dreams does hurt. In the next few days our life will be altered unconditionally with the addition of a new person to the family, and it will be joyful, wonderful, and scary too. The loss of freedom, of some independence, and sleep, however, will balance it out...
I have been looking at, and thinking a lot about growth and independence as I look at the kids all getting older as well. Patrick and Rei are spreading their wings and want to try new things. They want to be free to come and go as they please, they want to have their needs met without always contributing back, and they struggle for autonomy in the midst of family obligations. Aurora is too, but in a more subtle manner. Homework is already kicking her butt as she begins her senior year, and she is stressing out about it, making her short-tempered and irritable with the family. I AM pleased to report that so far (one week in) Rei has an A average (he showed me his grades online last night). Lets pray the momentum continues!
I've also been thinking a lot about where I want to be, what I want to do, and where my gifts can best be used with regard to an internship site, and a career. I still feel I would like best to work with families, and I love the middleschool age group, but I also have an affinity for the eldery, and there is a part of me that would like to work with caregivers (providing support, encouragement, etc). I don't know that I have the emotional strength personally to do hospice care full time, although that is an area that I have found to be compelling, and yet I miss working with the geriatric population (from both my time in hospital/nursing home settings and my taking care of my great aunt and other private patients). I don't necessarily want to be in a case management situation--the paperwork, the distance from clients--is not where I see my strengths as being; and I also don't want to do primarily crisis intervention anymore. I miss the adrenaline rush that comes from it, but I would also like to see long term growth and success. Living in a military community I see the need for supportive services for both the service men and women and their families, and feel I could benefit them, but I also feel at a loss because I am so unfamiliar with what resources are available down here (it was so different in MN because I had volunteered with the united way's "first call for help" and was really educated about what was there!). I also see a huge need for services for kids down here (the local hospital has NO mental health services in their ED for kids in crisis) and I don't have a clue how to go about improving that situation... I would be really open to hearing what people think I should look towards for internship suggestions. I am going to begin focusing intently on this process once we get the baby here (so early September, after Labor day).
Anyhow, these are my thoughts for today. Will keep all posted on the baby news as it comes!
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