Thursday, December 5, 2013

Seasons greetings!

I have to be honest here: depression is kicking my butt right now, for many reasons. I am still grieving with Liisa her loss/our loss of her and Zack's much wanted baby. I feel blessed to be able to share this burden with her, and am trying to be upbeat and positive for her, and I am so proud of the steps she is taking to deal with everything. It takes a special kind of courage to look what is in the face and begin the process of learning acceptance. 

The holidays too are taking their toll. Eric has taken on overtime for his two weekends off, working down in Columbia Missouri at the hospital there because they are short staffed. They are putting him up in a hotel and covering meals, mileage, and so forth; I am going with this weekend because he is doing overnights Saturday and Sunday; I can then help with the driving home when he is tired on Monday morning. He will be on day shifts for the other weekend, so I will stay home and focus on getting ready for Christmas. Our plan is to try and get stuff done on the few days off he does have, and I will focus specifically on things once my class is done. When I am at the hotel I will finish up my final project for the class and will be done with my master's program on the 13th. It will be good to be done with this chapter of my life and begin the next.

Christmas this year for me is going to be more focused on Christ and family than the more commercial aspects of decorations and conspicuous consumption. I am making things and focusing on heartfelt versus expense. Technically I should be doing that right now, but my mojo isn't where it should be, despite two cups of coffee.  It doesn't help that I am sitting here in dim lighting, listening to the sleet hit the siding and window screens, and seeing the clouds and gloom out the window. I think my next. Step is to turn on some lights, put on some bouncy music, and sit down at the sewing machine. Bright colors, productivity, and creative expression is what I think I need right now.

I'm sorry this isn't terribly upbeat or chatty this time, but I am working to get there. I know this is hormones, and weather, and stress all talking, and I also know it will pass. As some of the stress lifts (the end of the term) things will ease and I will be more cheerful. I just needed to vent a bit.