Making changes

Lately I have been feeling stuck. I look in the mirror and see myself looking old, colorless, bland. To that end, I decided to make a few changes.

First, I found a hairstyle I like that I think I can pull off:

Then, I made an appointment at the salon and took a "before" picture:

Then I shard the photo with the stylist and had her cut my hair and wax my eyebrows. I also went to the makeup counter at JC Penny's and bought some new lipstick and a new, waterproof mascara (because the one I have gets washed away by my eye drops) and took this photo:

When I got home, I added makeup and took this picture:

I am a little disappointed in my stylist because she doesn't know how to "round brush" hair, which I think would have added volume and curl to my cut, making it look closer to the inspiration photo, but I am going to try that myself today. I also think she was intimidated by how long my hair actually was, and despite cutting off almost 4 inches in length and adding layers, she placed the layers fairly low down, so while they are obvious, they are not as obvious as they are in the inspiration picture. I am going to play with it and see how this style works for me, and if nothing else, I can always try again when I am in need of another haircut. I have. Round brush, my hot rollers, and my curling iron. She did clean up and angle my bangs, which I am trying to grow out (as much as they bug me right now) and we will see where this takes me. My goal is to daily put on subtle makeup (mascara and blush) because my eyes are so small looking otherwise, and to wear lipstick when I leave the house to add some color to my face and define my features a bit.

I bought a weight watchers brand scale yesterday as well, to help monitor where I am at, and will again resume counting points (I easily get off track and then give up). I have gone through my closet and dresser drawers and pulled out a huge bag of things I no longer like, wear, or want, and will put them out for the clothing drive on Thursday, and I have made a point of putting away my clothes as soon as they are folded. I am trying to work on reducing the clutter in my life so I feel better about me, and by extension my stuff, realizing that it is a process and wont change overnight. I figure Reimond is graduating in May, which will create a new turning point in MY life, so my goal is to slowly prepare myself for the next phase, that of being a parent to adult children who are responsible for themselves (at least for the most part). I am looking towards finding an internship, and perhaps a part-time job, something that will help with the budget as well as allow me to do something meaningful outside of the house.

For me, it's about taking small steps forward in faith, dealing with one thing at a time, and learning new habits. Change is, and always has been scary for me, but as the old saying goes: change occurs when the pain of staying the same is greater than the fear of moving forward. I am tired of feeling stuck and spinning my wheels. I know this time of stasis has been a blessing in so many ways, but I am ready to start letting go of some things so that there is room for new blessings. I trust in God's plan for my future, and I look forward to this new chapter in my life, one that is focused primarily on my relationship with my husband and our life, while encouraging the "children" to be independent adults, responsible for themselves and their life choices.

These next few months are going to be works in progress, and I highly doubt things will be finished by the time Memorial Day comes around, but at least I am making a start.

Happy valentines day!

What a crazy, busy time period it's been since I last wrote. Reimond got hit by a car in the school parking lot while on his bike: he was riding along side another student and went to pass him when the student made a left turn without using a signal and they collided. Rei went up onto the hood of the car,catching his right calf between the seat and the car, then rolled to the ground when the car stopped. The kids were both so shocked they talked to each other but didn't exchange any info, shook hands, and went their separate ways. I took Rei to the emergency room just to get his calf checked out because it was so sore. Was just badly bruised, and he is fine; had a few muscle aches the next day that he didn't realize he had pulled in the fall, but he's tough and we are grateful it was no worse.

Then, my mom had an appointment with the cardiology electro physiologist the next day and they said she was, and probably had been in, atrial fibrillation for quite a while. Her ankles had swollen up to the size of her thighs and she was uncomfortable, and they said that with the irregularity of her heartbeats her blood was not circulating properly and she was at risk for blood clots. They had put her on blood thinners, but he didn't want to wait until she had been on them a full 30 days (the time it takes to dissolve any clots if any have formed) because of the risk of tiring out her heart, and yesterday she had a trans-esophageal eccochardiogram to check for the presence of clots in her heart, then had a "cardio version" done, where they shocked her heart back into a normal sinus rhythm. After the procedures, which she did well in (no clots in the heart), her blood pressure was the lowest it's been in years, and other than feeling sore and nauseous from the meds and procedures, she was cleared to go home. Kristi stayed with her until Erik and Joel got home, and when I talked to her last night she sounded good.

I honestly had a really hard time with all of it and being so far away. It was good I was babysitting Skye because she kept me grounded and focused, but until I talked to my sister and knew things were ok, I was anxious. Too many memories of what we went through with dad to take anything for granted. Even Liisa couldn't fall asleep until she knew Gram was ok (she works overnights and really needed to be in bed...). I am so thankful for all the prayers and good thoughts people shared on our behalf. God is gracious and while my mom is at peace with whatever is to be, the rest of us are not quite ready to let her go yet.

I saw the eye surgeon myself on Tuesday and am now scheduled for LASIK surgery on my right eye on March 21st. The astigmatism has remained stable, although I did take a step backwards in the dryness of my corneas and they changed the eye drops I use to previous brand that had worked well for me. Corneal dryness can affect the clarity of my vision, so I need to use (and have been doing so) lubricating eye drops to counteract that. The doctor feels that the surgery will correct the remaining issues I am having with blurriness and Eric and I trust his judgment, so we are good to go.

Skye and her "baby Susie" have joined me on my bed and she wants to "play her monsters" so I will close for now. She can be very insistent on what she wants!

Heavy, wet snow!

I woke up this morning to a decent coating of heavy, wet snow, perfect for snowmen and snowballs, and winter at its finest. Oddly, it was in the 70's earlier last week. Sure can't get consistency down here--the seasons have minds of their own!

Skye was seen at the clinic twice this past week with a scarlet-fever like rash, but no other symptoms of strep than a wicked cough and runny nose. After the second visit, where the rash was worse and the cough was too they decided to treat her with penicillin and she is doing much better. When the child is content to sit for hours and watch blues clues or wonder pets without complaint, fever or not, one knows she isn't feeling well.

Our Super Bowl weekend has been interrupted by Eric needing to work a mandatory OT shift, naturally overnight last night, which threw a wrench into all our plans. Aurora had a home tournament this weekend so he bookended his shifts by being at the bowling alley, and he is currently running on only two one hour naps. It's not that we had major weekend plans, but we did have a few that this has cut into. I could really care less Bout the game, and Beyonce means nothing to me musically or otherwise, but I will watch the commercials and the hoopla attendant on this American sports holiday... At least it's only one day, unlike the World Series, which lasts forever or so it seems... No, I am not a big sports fan.

I am truthfully in awe that it is already February. January seemed to drag through much of the month, then wham, it was over! I started, and am nearly finished with the wingspan shawl I wanted to make, simply because it is so mindless to do; the perfect project for meditation, prayer, and thinking my thoughts. I took my sewing machine in for a good cleaning and servicing and am lost right now without it. Reimond has a pair of jeans that need mending that I promised to do, and after he carried it for me into the shop, so he knew it was gone, he asked me about doing them, I said yes, and we both looked confused and laughed in realizing why I can't do them right now...

Reimond is in his final semester of high school and so far (fingers crossed) he is doing awesome. He is on track for graduation, and I am so proud. My mom, on the other hand isn't doing so well, and this week has been concerning for me. She went in to the clinic for a bad cough, and in the process, asked about her swollen ankles (Kristi said they were almost as big as her thighs). They ran an EKG and some other tests, and while she isn't in atrial fibrillation, she does have atrial flutter, and there is a concern for blood clots. They have put her on a blood thinner to lower that risk, and she sees a cardiology electro physiologist on the 7th. Prayers are appreciated, and I believe in their power.

Liisa is really sad today too because her puppy SweetTea has hives really badly and is miserable. No ideas of what has caused they, but my brother Erik has her giving the pup Benadryl every 4 hours to make her feel some better, and it looks like a trip to the vet may be necessary for cortisone shots tomorrow if things don't settle down soon.

Reimond needs help with the printer, so I am off.