Sunday morning coffee...

It's so lovely to sit here in my quiet bedroom, drinking my coffee, watching big fleecy clouds roll by in blue skies over the housetops across the street.  I have had a lot on my mind of late, and it's nice to have some time to put them into some sort of order.

Liisa called me yesterday morning to tell me Jesse's maternal grandmother had died.  She had been having multiple strokes over the past month-month and a half, and had been in and out of the hospital and a nursing home.  They brought her home from the hospital to her own bed on Friday after they were told nothing more could be done for her medically, and Liisa went with Jesse Friday night to see her.  Liisa called me when she got home, around 11 p.m. Friday night and just sobbed.  She loved Marilyn dearly and was distraught that she seemed to still be so vital and present that "saying goodbye while she was still here" somehow felt wrong. I explained to Liisa that when the body starts shutting down, nothing can really be done to reverse that process, and that this was a part of life.  I felt so bad I couldn't be there with her. She wasn't around as much when we went through it with my aunt Aili, and she was so young when Grandma Soulak died that she doesn't remember.  When they got the call Grandma was gone, her and Jesse were on their way back up to Grandma's house. Jesse was going to play his guitar for her, and Liisa was going to read to her from the tabloids, something they used to do on a regular basis through the years.  Liis both found and offered comfort being at the house with the family as they waited for everyone to gather before the coroner finally was called to come out to get the body.  I am so very proud of her for how she is handling all of this.

Liisa and Jesse are no longer together as a couple, and haven't been since December. They have, however, remained the closest of friends, and are trying to navigate the waters of loving each other as friends (versus as lovers/life partners).  This too is a difficult road to walk, but we all love both of them and want nothing but the best for each of them. My mom continues to hope that they will find their way back to each other, but I am accepting that this is how it is and I pray for both.  They still share custody of the dogs, and in many ways, Jesse is more devoted a "dogdaddy" than many fathers are of their biological children!

I have resumed doing (relatively) daily devotional readings, which I find both comforting and chastening.  One I read recently hit a little too close to home, in that it dealt with finding the good in all things, being one who is supportive and uplifting versus critical and nit-picky.  The reading (if anyone is interested) is Ephesians 4:29-32. Lately I have been fairly negative and critical in how I approach everything: the dogs, the kids, even sometimes Eric, and especially myself.  I don't like being this way, and when I catch myself being critical I feel terrible about it, but it hasn't stopped me from doing it a whole lot.  I know why I have become so critical, and many of my complaints are valid, BUT complaining doesn't change anything, and being vocal about it sets the stage for negativity to build on negativity. So my plan is to start catching myself when I am being critical or negative and try to find ways to build up rather than tear down the things that bother or upset me.  Maybe if I set the example, others will follow, and that positive vibe will be reflected in our daily lives. It's worth a try anyway!

Patrick came by on Friday to pick up some mail he had here, and he stayed for dinner and most of the evening.  He starts his new job on Tuesday, and I need to run him out to get some black pants for it either today or tomorrow. He explained that his girlfriend breaking up with him was NOT about him; it was about her life (being a single mom among other things) was so complicated at the moment that she didn't feel it was fair to him to be relegated to the sidelines, and that she didn't feel she had the ability to focus on a relationship at the moment or give him the attention and devotion he deserves.  He really felt ok about all of it, but was, of course, sad. He and I had a really nice talk about his plans before Eric got home, and it continued with Eric prior to dinner as well.  Basically we both feel good about where Patrick is at right now, and we support his fledgling steps into independent adulthood.  He is doing ok!

Skye is walking everywhere now. She looks like a little primate with her hands up as she toddles and wobbles, but she goes and goes and goes!  It amazes me it's almost been a year already that she has been a part of our lives.  Despite some of the work, she is such a blessing, and she is truly a child of my heart. Friday night she was having a really hard time staying asleep, and Brie was getting frustrated and overtired as well, so after I hung up with Liisa I sat in the rocking chair in the living room with Skye, and hummed hymns to her, prayed, and shed my tears--for Liisa, for Jesse and his family, over memories of the past...  It was comforting and catharctic, and when Skye finally fell asleep around midnight, I too was ready for bed.

We are still no closer to figuring out what we are going to do about transportation issues in the coming weeks. Aurora has a sports physical and team pictures on Monday, then her practices start for cross country, with school classes beginning the following week.  Brie's classes too begin that week, and of course no-one's schedule matches up well...  Eric has been riding the motorcycle when the weather permits so we have the pilot as a back up vehicle, and next week is his "short" work week, so we have a little breathing space to coordinate things. I am confident we will figure things out. 

My coffee cup is empty, so I think I will refill it, then move on to the next item on my agenda. Please keep Jesse's family in your prayers as they move through the grieving process, and my Liisa too.  She still is unemployed, and while she is managing, it's rough. Winning the lottery sounds like a wonderful option to me, as unrealistic as it is....