I found a leaf!

After all the drama and chaos of this past weekend, I needed to share something happy. I had Skye outside walking yesterday and her joy in something so simple as a dried leaf was contagious and made me smile.

Rei is still pretty labile, but he is off strict precautions, and is moving forward in his program. I was really tearful feeling yesterday--my guess is pms and let down from the stress--but had a good nights sleep last night finally and I am better today too.

Thanks for continued prayers. They do help!

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The power of prayers~

We had our meeting at the hospital today and Rei is doing well.  He seems motivated to do what he needs to do, and thanked Eric and I for taking him there. It's a start! I feel like I can start breathing again and relaxing a bit. Thank you for all your prayers.  They are working!

In a funk

I am overtired today, and feeling pretty stressed out.  Yesterday afternoon Rei and I had a few go-rounds about his status of being grounded for not going to bowling in the morning, and this escalated to the point that he packed a backpack with clothes, gave me his cell phone and told me "good luck finding me now," and he snuck out the back door when I thought he was in his room and I was in the front yard crying, praying, and trying to calm down.  He was gone for about 3 hours, and I was honestly concerned, because his emotional state has been somewhat (ok, totally) labile of late and I didn't know what his plan was.  He came home either fully expecting that things would be fine or prepared to battle. The battle ensued, he broke some items, and he showed me a burn on his hand (fairly minor) that he had given himself with a lighter, and resulted in his saying he just wanted to die, had nothing to live for, and just didn't care anymore. He also insisted he wasn't going to live here anymore and started packing some of his belongings.  Long story short, I ended up calling 911 and getting support from the police, to whom he also said he wanted to die, and he was taken by ambulance to a hospital over in St. Louis that has a strong inpatient adolescent psych program.

We were in the ER for about 10 hours, when they finally completed all the assessment process to admit him, and we (Eric and I) got home about 5:30 this morning.  My nerves are shot right now.  It is so hard to acknowledge that your kid needs something you cannot provide as a parent, and it is a decision made harder when he is feeling so hopeless. Of course today his song is that everything is fine, he doesn't need to be there anymore, and he wants to come home (due in part to his not being allowed his cell phone or ipod, and there being strictly enforced rules and routines in place).  I am not buying it; this has been going on too long, and needs to be addressed. I am hoping that they are wise enough to see through his act and push him a bit--his true status comes through under stress. We have an appointment with the therapy staff tomorrow at 11, so a treatment plan will be developed at that point.

I am perfectly comfortable with where he is as far as care goes, at least thus far.  Their handbook reads like ours from CRTC and I know how effective our program was. It offers a closely structured day, accountability, support, and a chance to make positive choices and learn better/more effective coping skills, something he needs. I am also worn out. I feel like I could sleep forever.  I got up at 10 this morning, so 4.5 hours of sleep, and I napped another 2 hours this afternoon (Eric just laid down himself); I feel worn out, weary, and drained. Yesterday was such an emotional day, and I have obviously left out a lot of particulars.

It is so hard to be in this spot for me, because I have been here before and I know that only time will work out what needs to be dealt with, along with honesty, soul-searching, prayers, and unconditional love. I am feeling like somewhere along the way I didn't provide Rei with something he needed, that somehow I have failed him as a mother/parent; and I am in this moment taking some of this extremely personally. I blame the school as well for adding fuel to this conflagation that occurred, because perhaps if they had handled things better he wouldn't be as down on himself as he currently is. Rightly or wrongly, that is a part of how I feel.

I am also feeling guilty because I have very little patience for Skye right now. Brie had tickets to a concert with her boyfriend for today/tonight, and the are also getting a hotel room (something I was unaware of until just before she left). She arranged babysitting with Aurora's boyfriend Dan, and I am leaving it to him. I am also staying out of sight because when she sees me she cries, tries to cling, and won't let me out of her grasp. I am happy to hold and love her, but my patience is limited with the pick me up/put me down/pick me up game she has been playing the past few days, combined with tantruming if she doesn't get her way. I know she is teething and her mouth is sore, and I also know we are transitioning her to milk from formula. But my nerves are shot right now, and I just need to relax and be quiet.

There is no discharge plan in place for Rei as yet; it will be based on him, his behavior, and how comfortable staff feel about his ability to keep himself safe. I need to call the school tomorrow to arrange for his homework, and will be taking this a day at a time. He is limited in who he can have contact with, and phone privileges and visiting hours are strictly regulated. The hospital is about an hour from here, and visiting hours are from 6-7, so I will be hitting rush hour traffic getting over to see him. I need to go pick up a few items for him and pack a bag of clothes and hygiene items that I can bring when we go over tomorrow, but I (and immediate family) are able to call and check on him any time.

I knew this weekend was going to be busy, but I had no idea how stressful it would be!

On a more positive note, Aurora did well at her first college bowling tournament: the girls team came in 3rd, and she came in tied for second place in the individual standings.  The boys ended up in 5th place. Brie's birthday party for Skye went fine, although very few of the people who said they would be there showed up; it was small, but sweet for her.  I didn't go because I was too upset over the stuff with Rei, and was uncomfortable being social and happy when my eyes and nose were obviously tear-stained and I was stressed.

Please keep us in your prayers as we move forward, and thanks for caring!

A free day!

Or not...  I had my day sorta upended when Rei decided he wasn't going to bowling this morning, and Brie didn't go to class, so, with the morning to myself, I went off to spend some time at the Strange Folk Festival, a yearly arts and crafts event in O'Fallon IL. Last year I went in the rain with my father-in-law, Brie, and the baby; this year the temps were cool, the sun was shining, and it was a perfect day for browsing and drooling.  I (finally) invested in a hand made drop spindle for spinning with, and got a free lesson to go with it from a member of the So. IL Artisan's guild, a talented wood carver who makes many drool-worthy objects (last year I bought a carving of Merlin and Archimedes from him for Eric, carved out of an old gnarled piece of wood).  I then bought a small baggie of hand-dyed, spin-ready fiber to practice with in a brilliant red called "Sookie"  (ala the True Blood books).  I also bought some sassy metal tins ($5 a piece!) to store small notions in (after dumping the open container of hooks and eyes for the umpteenth time in the sewing room), and I found a ceramicist who does lovely work that I plan to order from on-line for a wedding gift I would like to get and another item for us.  I collected lots of business cards from shops that intrigued me, as most venders are local people who also have etsy shops online, and I am a happy girl.  Hot coffee, sunshine, and lots of arts and crafts to inspire me!

I got home looking forward to some quiet time to get some chores done in, but have now been asked to watch a fussy baby while her mother bakes cupcakes for the birthday party this afternoon.  I really wanted to get this blog post made, so she is, at the moment, complaining in her crib...  She apparently needs a nap that she refused to take earlier.

I haven't blogged much since my last post because I was too discouraged about a situation that had come up last week, and I wasn't sure how I wanted to present it (or if I even wanted to present it). Rei got a 5.5 day suspension from school a week ago wednesday, for "threatening behavior," even though the Vice Principal admitted to me there was no threats issued physically, verbally, or otherwise.  Rei was verbally defiant and rude to the VP, and he was belligerantly defiant to the principal over a situation that was so stupid (in my opinion).  Rei's reaction to everythings was over-the-top, out-of-line, and very inappropriate, and I agreed there needed to be a consequence for it, but I felt that 5 days was a significant overreaction, considering how poorly they handled things from their end (does no one at the school, including the police officer, have training in basic de-escalation techniques????) I took it to the superintendent to protest the length of the consequence, but he "elected to support his staff in their determination" and by the time he mailed me the packet to further challenge it, the suspension had been served.  The thing that bothered me the most is the stance of giving only 70% (a D) of the grade earned for all homework done over the suspension, which means anything less than A work is an automatic F.  How does this encourage a student to learn from their behaviors and try their best???  I was just sick over the whole situation and was upset with both my son and the school...  Just as he could have turned his behavior around at any time, so too could they have given him a couple of minutes to cool down before attempting to process the situation.  Regardless, it's done.

We also had some nasty 48 hour upper respiratory infection blow through the house last weekend on top of everything else.  Eric was totally laid out on Friday night and all day Saturday from it; I started feeling it on Sunday night and it took me til Tuesday to feel better (including being in my nightgown by 6:30 pm and asleep by 8 on Monday night).

This week has also been Eric's long week for work, along with some intensive coaching sessions/meetings for Aurora's college team.  They are at their first tournament this weekend, and Eric was sad he couldn't be there, because there were a few monkey wrenches in the works getting the kids to the tournament.  It worked out though, and Aurora will be home sometime Sunday.  The boys bowled this morning, and the girls started bowling this afternoon, so I am waiting to hear how things go.  The boys were in 2nd place at the break. Eric is very proud!

Baby Skye is quiet!  My guess is she fell asleep.  Lately she has been fighting sleep something fierce, despite being really weary.  She is in the process of working her way to one nap a day I think, but depending on when she gets up in the morning, holding her off for an afternoon nap only is a challenge sometimes.  She generally starts showing signs of weariness about 2-3 hours after she gets up for the day, naps for 1-2 hours, gets up, eats lunch, plays, then wants to catch another nap going on 3ish (which Brie likes because then she can nap too after work).  The problem with that is then bedtime gets late.  I would really like to see her on a schedule where she gets up by 8, has an early lunch, then goes down for a nap around 11:30/12ish, sleeping til 2-2:30 or so, then playing in the afternoon, having a snack, eating dinner, then going to bed around 7 or so.  The problem with that scenario though is that she often wakes up with Brie at 5 am, goes back to sleep til 9:30 or later, gets up, eats breakfast, plays, naps around noon for a couple of hours, then gets up, eats, plays, and wants a nap again around 4.  It becomes a vicious cycle.

I am thinking I need to take advantage of this naptime to get a couple of things done, so I will sign off for now.  Skye's birthday party is this afternoon at 4, down at the local park. It should be a nice afternoon for it!

Rainy friday...

It's a gloomly and drear friday, not at all the lovely day we had 22 years ago when my sister and her husband got married.  It's also my cousin and her husband's 50th anniversary today (my dad's oldest niece). Wow, 50 years...

We survived the first week of high school, and Rei is even doing homework!  So pleased.  Aurora has her second cross country meet tonight and won't be home til really late (like around midnight), and then youth bowling starts on base tomorrow morning. Brie has drill all weekend and has elected to stay at a friend's rather than come home, so I will have Skye all weekend.  I am so glad she is feeling better finally. She had a bad cold, turned into a double ear infection, then had an allergic reaction to her amoxicillin.  She is on prednisone at the moment and we are tapering her off.  She will be done with it all on Sunday.  She is back to her happy, bubbly self again though and for that I am gratefull.

Eric has picked up some overtime for Monday so he has 4 days in a row for work. We took the harley in to the shop last night for new tires and a basic once-over of the wiring etc. Not sure when it will be ready to be picked up; Eric hasn't heard anything from them so we hope that is good news.  The van is in really rough shape.  It needs new brakes as there is a grinding upon braking on the right fronts esp. and I am not sure when we can get it looked at.  Has to be relatively soon though. Brie has been driving a friend's pickup truck of late instead of the van.

Aurora went to get her license on Wednesday, but it didn't happen because she has no proof she took the driver's ed class through the high school.  When I called the school it was because she had taken it as a summer session class and failed it (she was told because she didn't have enough practice hours of driving done; when they looked it up for me and called back, Eric was told she hadn't done well in her behind the wheel, which he thinks is BS). Needless to say, they won't send info saying she took it because she didn't pass it, so now she has to wait til she's 18 (in November) to take the road test, or retake a driver's ed class so that the state has proof she has taken it.  She is quite bummed about it.

Aurora's boyfriend Dan has moved in here with us as of the 1st. He needed a place to stay while he gets some things lined up for his future, and he is a really nice kid.  It's going well. Jesse was down here too from Mpls. one night this past weekend, and was in town to visit a friend of his who lives in St. Louis. It was fun to see both Jesses!

I have been procrastinating heading back downstairs for a bit now, because I had to research resale prices for the timeshare for Eric's court date on Tuesday, then decided to also check emails and blog...  Dan is watching Skye for me in the living room, but I am guessing he's ready to be spelled...  It's gonna be a LOOOOOOOOGGGGG weekend!