Just when I think things are starting to turn around, something else has to throw a monkey wrench into my world... The last two day s have been stressful.
Monday was the 17th anniversary of my dad's death. It is generally a rough day for me because Reimond and I were the only members of the family to see and spend time with him that day before he died. It is always a day of reflection and some sadness for me. Anyhow, I also had a doctor's appointment for me that day, a routine med check for my prescriptions I take. I had done my labs the previous week, and she said there were some things that came up on them. My good cholesterol was a bit low, but the rest of the numbers were good; my thyroid numbers were off though, so I need to have a new dosage. My fear is that the lowered dosage may be reflected in weight gain (again) and I have been so proud of keeping thos 15 pounds off that I have initially lost on WWs. Then she also said there was blood in my urine spec. and has been there now for over 6 months. Because there is no sign of infection this time I need to go see a urologist to find out what may be causing it. Looking on line it can be anything from benign to fairly serious, and it concerns me. I don't like not knowing.
Then yesterday I had an appointment with the eye doctor. I have noticed my vision progressively getting blurrier and I have had some eye strain issues with my handwork and reading/computer stuff so I figured I just needed new glasses. I was told I have cataracts in both eyes and while they are not bad enough to require surgical intervention, that could change in 6 months or in 2-5 years. There is no way to predict it. The next blow was that the pressure in my eyes is too high and I need to be tested for glaucoma. There are treatment options there too, but this is something that is irreversible once damage occurs. So far I haven't lost significant sight that I am aware of peripherally, but this too freaks me out. I rely on my eyes to do the things that keep me sane: my handwork, reading, and writing. I realize things are not at a crisis level or anything at this point, but the fear of losing my eyesight has me spooked. Eric took me out last night to get new glasses with a prescription that has made things much clearer again, and he took me out to dinner while we waited for the glasses to be made (God Bless Lens Crafters! I have never gotten same day glasses before!). It is wonderful to see things clearly again; I knew things had gotten bad, but to have it in focus now reinforces how bad it had been...
I am trying hard not to catastrophize things. I am trying to keep things in perspective and accept that the tests need to be run, and that the outcomes may be minor rather than worst-case. I just don't like dealing with unknowns, and I hate that my body is "aging" because especially with the cataracts, this is an issue generally for individuals so much older than me! I will do what I have to do to keep my vision as clear as I can for as long as I can, because I need to have my handwork and my books. I cannot imagine life without them. And as for the other medical things, I will take the lower dose of the thyroid hormone and go back for a follow up in 2 months, and I will go see the urologist and get an exam for that as well. I have so much to do still and I need to be healthy to do it. So please, say a prayer for me, that things go well, that there are simple fixes for what is ailing me, and that life starts slowing down to a manageable level. I sure could use some stress-free living!
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