Saturday, January 9, 2010

Finding it hard to stay motivated sometimes...

I think that says it all.  It has been bitterly cold the last few days, the kids have had "snow days" home from school, and it feels like CHAOS is reigning supreme!  That is why I am so grateful to Eric this morning.  He took the kids to the bowling alley for youth league and to practice himself, Brie is sleeping (she went out last night with friends), and I have the house to myself, for the most part anyways.  It feels good to recharge my batteries and just think my thoughts for a little while. 

There is other news I need to share, but have been waiting on until all members of the immediate family were notified.  Liisa and Jesse have broken their engagement.  It is not my place to go into detail here. Suffice it to say they have things they want/need to deal with that remain between them and they felt it was better to break things off until this is resolved rather than go forward with marriage, wishing things might "magically" change.  I am so very proud of them for how they are handling things, and Jesse is, and always will be a significant part of our family and our lives.  He is best friends with all my kids, including Liisa, and they care deeply for each other, so it is with both sadness and understanding that I share this news with you.  Both kids are doing just fine, and they continue to live under one roof (albeit in different bedrooms), they continue to do things together and share their lives.  They just are not a "couple" any more.  This may or may not change in the future.  For now though, we wish them both the best and hope they each find what it is they need to be happy.

So, as you may have gathered, between Liisa and Jesse, and Brie's pregnancy, I have been in some emotional upheaval over the past month.  I am so grateful I have my faith to rely on, because I know bone deep that God's grace is sufficient, and that all things happen for a reason.  While I still believe "thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven" is the hardest prayer to pray, I also believe it is the best one too.  I found a pendant that I bought for a dear friend of mine that says "Do not worry about tomorrow, for God is already there" and that statement keeps floating through my head and my heart when both are feeling heavy.  I know there is a reason and a plan that is currently beyond my knowledge or understanding, and for the most part I am at peace with how things are playing out.  But it definitely has it's moments.  Especially when I stop to think about how my life may change or be impacted by these events.  I had one thought for what this next year would be like, and God has a totally different plan for it!  Everything has been turned on its ear, and while that isn't necessarily bad, it is very disconcerting.  It's going to take some time to process through all of this and find my way to level ground again.  In the meantime, I am taking things one day at a time, and am doing my best to be a positive support and rolemodel for the family as a whole. 

On Monday I begin my "Integrative Project" (aka Master's thesis) for my degree program, and again, I am a bundle of nerves.  I really want to do well on this, and I know I "know" my stuff.  Now I just have to prove it.  I got the email that my book is being shipped (the latest volume of writing in the APA format) so that I am correct in my presentation and format, and I even have a topic outlined in my head already.  I found out I only work one day next week, Saturday, so I have most of the week free to get organized and on track, and other than Brie's doctor's appointment on Thursday (with the general practitioner, who will then refer her to an ob/gyn), my week is fairly free (unless, of course, some of my classes get students--I am on record to teach three time next week, but thus far have no students).  I am setting some goals for myself to accomplish each day, especially since Eric will be working day shifts for the next couple of months, and this coming week is his long week...  I want to begin sewing some of the garments I have patterns and fabric for, and I want to also work on organizing my space a bit better.  I am actually quite excited to get working on some of these things!

Anyhow, that is the latest from our household here.  Things are moving along, and we are taking it as it comes...

No comments: