I bought this devotional book called "A Cup of Comfort Devotional for Women" because I was looking for something to add into my daily routine and I had been missing reading something that applied scripture lessons to daily life. The statement in my headline came from the title of the message dated January 11, and was followed by this Bible verse: "I am holding you by your right hand--I the LORD your God. And I say to you, 'Do not be afraid. I am here to help you.' " Isaiah 41:13. I have been pondering on this since I read it. The remaining story referred to the writer's grandson, who kept saying he wasn't ready to ride a brand new two-wheel bicycle yet, but he would be, "maybe next Monday," and how just as her son would walk by his child until he was ready to do it on his own, so too our Heavenly Father walks beside us and supports us until we too can do it on our own.
This has been resonating with me in part because as we have dealt with the struggles of the past few weeks, my opening up myself here in this blog has reminded me how many people truly do walk with me in my life, regardless of the miles between us. I have days I feel so isolated and alone, but the reality is I am never alone. I have my faith, which sustains me in all things, and I have people I can reach out to for support, advice, nurturance, and tough love. I feel very blessed in this, and it allows me to move forward, confident that even if I fall on my face sometimes, there will always be someone to help pick me back up, dust me off, and support my efforts to try again. I got a wonderful email from my father-in-law today about parenting and it brought a smile to my face because it is so very true. He, as well as my good friend Cindy, reminded me that the hardest part of parenting is allowing our children to fall, so that they can learn from their mistakes and move forward. I know that it's true--especially when it's someone else's kid--but it's so much harder to do when it's your own... (and I do count all of these kids "my own"). Perspective is a wonderful (if selective at times) thing!
It has also been pointed out to me that I have been fairly isolated of late; being down a vehicle with multiple drivers has made getting out of the house a chore at times, and my ventures into the world at large primarily consist of taxiing the kids to and from their activities. I did step out of my comfort zone and into the kitchen at church on Sunday, where I did the dishes after our monthly pot-luck, and listened in on the stories of people I don't know and engaged in casual conversation (I often find myself at a loss with small talk, but I am a good listener). I was the only woman in my age group there (the rest could have been my mother, or even grandmother in a few cases), but it's a start. I have been looking at job listings again and am mentally girding my loins to look into federal jobs again, hopefully at Scott AFB... There has to be something out there I can do, preferably with morning/weekday hours so that I can be here in the afternoons/evenings so as to not conflict too badly with Eric's schedule or the kids' needs... I'm praying that the "perfect" job is out there somewhere for me. At 46 years old, I have that duality of being both over- and under-qualified for so many things... I'm not giving up hope yet! I am going to look into volunteer opportunities, and I have noted down the date and time of the Southern IL Artisan's Guild Meeting, along with the dates and times some of their specialty groups meet. That might be a good outlet for me as well.
The important thing is that I'm not closing doors, or closing myself off. I know one of my faults is that I tend to coccoon myself off when I am feeling hurt, stressed, or overwhelmed (I call it the "turtle syndrome"--I pull myself into my shell and stay there until the storm passes), but it isn't helpful for me to do that on a long-term basis. That's partially why I am so grateful for those of you who know me well--and that you took the time to remind me that I need to keep reaching out and not hiding away. Thank you for your love and support! Honestly, things are slowly getting better, and I have regained some perspective again. I feel well loved and much blessed.
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