This Easter weekend has gone nothing like I had planned for. It feels all topsy-turvey and confused. We have two kids gone, but continue to have a house full of kids; things are picked up, but they are not (I know that doesn't make a lot of sense; what I mean is I have picked stuff up, only to find it back where I had removed it from because of the extra people around. Nothing stays put!). Eric and I were talking yesterday about what we would do for Easter dinner, and if it was even worth trying to put one together, given he is working all weekend, and we need to leave at 3 am Monday to go to IN and get the kids... We are planning to go to the 8 am service at church on Sunday because I feel like I really need to go to church, and I would like us to go together, regardless of whether the kid go with or not... I adore Palm Sunday but didn't make it to service because the house was in such chaos! The confusion in some regards has been a blessing for Reimond. He has had friends around to help him not be so disappointed about MN. But there is an edge to it that I am not liking, a frenetic quality that smacks of avoidence.
Cliff and Brie have been fighting again. Brie has been doing her damnedest to stay away from home. Part of it has been thoughtful, in that she has arranged for alternate transportation to and from work, but that has entailed staying at a friend's house. Last night though, she invited a guest over for the evening, then took off on Rei's rip stik, and didn't come home late in the afternoon. 8 pm and we still hadn't heard from her. Eric finally called her (from work) and was told she was "at a friend's". She called me about 11:10 last night to say she was staying there overnight. In the meantime, her invited guest was here waiting for her, and hung out with the kids--Reimond, Kimmie, a friend of Kimmie's (who had been invited to spend the night), and a friend of Cliff's, who was hanging with the kids while Cliff was at work, and evenutally, Cliff. When I just went downstairs to make coffee everyone was still here, sleeping either in the loft (the girls), on the couch, or in the den with Cliff. Honestly, I don't mind the kids crashing here--in Minneapolis there were times I was never sure who would be on the couch/floor when I woke up--but I do get tired sometimes of the messes that don't get picked up later on. Stuff left for the dogs to lay on and get muddy or hairy, stuff strewn around from folks lounging/snacking etc. And I will be honest, money is tight right now so we don't necessarily have food around for random snacking etc. What we have we share, but when it's gone, it's gone.
And there is still the vehicles issue. There is no extra money to fix the CRX right now, so we need to share the van and use it only for necessary trips, not staying out all night with it, or joy-riding. The other night Cliff had it and said he would be going to a friend's after work. I told him I'd need it home in the morning as Eric had school and I wouldn't have a vehicle. He showed up at noon, after telling me he'd be home by 7. Fortunately for me Eric decided to skip class because he was so tired he knew he needed to get home and to bed, so I had a car for the necessary running. But I was mad! It's my car, I had made my wished clearly known, and I was blown off. We have put it out there that if the kids want to have the CRX fixed they need to put money towards it to help (after all, they drive it), but so far, nada.
It doesn't help that I am getting no hours at work. I work 4 hours this evening, and that's it. That's all I have worked this week. And I am not on the schedule at all next week. While that makes it a bit easier as far as juggling vehicles goes, it sure doesn't help the finances at all (which is why I got the job in the first place), nor does it do it's secondary benefit of getting me out of the house and giving me some structure to my day. When we stopped by there yesterday I checked the schedule and saw I was not even listed on it. I stopped by the office and asked if I had been fired and not told because I didn't see my name even listed; I was told I would have been called had I been fired, but that there were no hours available for me. I was sad, and Eric was vocally mad. I did look online at job postings again last night and I applied for one I think I would be good at (and fully qualified for, at the Children's hospital in St Louis). Perhaps that will come through for me. I am actually overqualified for it--says I need a high school diploma and psych testing experience... I have far more than that... We'll see. We did get the tax refund from the state of MN already in the checking account, so that is a blessing. We just need to figure out what we will need to pay in to IL for taxes, since neither of us had an income from IL in 2008. That is gonna be a challenge. We have the federal taxes done, and MO and MN.
The household just feels so tense these days. Leading up to the weekend there was tension in Aurora and Patrick about going to their mom's, and tension in Eric over making all the travel arrangements. The tension is still there because we still need to pick them up, and although permission has been given for us to grab them early (so that Aurora can run in her meet on Monday), it could still be revoked "because". There is tension over the visitation issues, and the kids' schedules. There is tension over vehicles, and money. There is tension between Cliff and Brie that is spilling over onto the rest of us. God love 'em both, but it would be so nice if they could just be civil to each other. The sniping and the pettiness, and the justifying is gettin old! For young adults they are acting like elementary schoolers! Neither seems able to let the other just be. Kimmie staying here right now is also a stressor. She is no work at all, and she actually pitches in to help at times (along with being a positive influence on Reimond at times), but she is one more person here who has her own things going on in her life (and hence her need to stay here). We are glad to help, and she is a complete sweetheart, but still. It adds to the emotional stew that is simmering. I wish I could wave a magic wand over everyone and just chill everyone out for a week or two!
For me it has translated into there being no place for ME to just be. When Eric is sleeping by day I try to stay out of the bedroom so he has peace and quiet. But there have been friends of Cliff's (or Cliff) crashed in the living room when I go downstairs, or the living room has been taken over by video systems and kids playing (loud) games and taking over all available seating; I have at times sat in the loft on the futon there just to be out of the way, but when that is someone's bed, I don't like intruding there either... We need to figure things out. What we (Eric and I) keep telling ourselves is that this is all temporary and will pass, and it will, but for the moment, it is stressful.
So today, the Saturday before Easter, I am going to finish doing some chores here in the house, I am going to get myself ready for work (shower, etc.), I am going to go shopping for the fixings for Easter baskets and a meal or two (we can do a full grocery shopping trip on Monday), and then go to work. Tomorrow morning we will go to church, then Eric will sleep, and I will occupy my time somehow productively, and then in the middle of the night we will leave for IN to get the kids. We should be back in town around 3ish on Monday afternoon, and Aurora's race is at 4. Then Tuesday is a return to school and normality, or what ever passes for normal these days...
Wish us luck! And Happy Easter to everyone!
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